11 Proven Tips: How to Help Someone Overcome Social Anxiety and Shyness FAST

We all know someone who’s a bit quiet, or as some of us may say, “reserved”, in social settings. While some of the quiet folks we know may simply be introverted or a bit shy, others may have social anxiety. Yes, these are different things.

While an introvert or a shy person is likely to warm up in due time, or be engaged with people they are comfortable with, an individual with social anxiety is often consumed by a fear of being negatively evaluated. 

In this article, we will briefly look at what social anxiety is, the impact of social anxiety on one’s life, and how you can help and support someone who may have social anxiety. 

What is Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)? 

Social anxiety disorder is a diagnosable anxiety disorder in which one experiences symptoms of anxiety in social settings due to a fear of being negatively evaluated. This fear or anxiety is especially heightened when there is an element of performance (as in public speaking), social interaction, or when one feels they are being observed.

Social anxiety can be crippling, and lead to avoidance behaviours such as refusing invitations to social events, turning down professional commitments that involve public speaking and so on.  

Severe Social Anxiety Can Affect Your Day-to-Day Life

Severe social anxiety can impact all areas of one’s life. One may find it challenging to be vulnerable and authentic in relationships for the fear of being judged. One may avoid taking up work that requires interaction with others, or performance-based tasks such as public speaking. Social anxieties can also lead to perfectionistic tendencies, which can have a ripple effect in the form of procrastination, micromanagement and dissatisfaction with one’s personal and professional accomplishments.

Social anxiety can keep us from important life experiences and milestones, impacting both our personal and professional lives. If you or someone you know shows signs of social anxiety, it is advisable to seek professional health from a psychologist. At Mave Health’s Therapy Club, we have several qualified and experienced mental health professionals who can help understand and manage social anxiety.  

When Should I See My Healthcare Provider? 

There are two things to consider when deciding if and when you should see your healthcare provider - the length of the concern, and its impact on your daily functioning. If you feel that the anxiety has persisted over a long time, and it shows up in different situations, that’s a good indicator that professional support may be beneficial.

Secondly, if you feel that you are unable to engage in your personal relationships and professional or academic responsibilities in a fulfilling way because of the anxiety, it would be beneficial to speak to someone. 

11 Proven Tips: How to Help Someone Overcome Social Anxiety 

If you or someone you know is struggling with social anxiety, here are some practical tips you can try to help yourself or the other, manage the anxiety: 

Identifying triggers:

The first step to managing any form of emotional distress is to become aware of it. A part of cultivating this self-awareness is learning about one’s triggers. For social anxiety, this may mean identifying specific situations, people, settings, or types of conversations or activities that trigger anxiety

Challenging one’s thought patterns: 

Anxiety can often be heightened by our thoughts. For example, while meeting someone new, the thought, ‘I have to make a good first impression because I’m sure this person won’t like me otherwise,’ can put undue pressure. Replacing this thought with, ‘I don’t know this person, and they don’t know me, and it would be nice to get to know each other before we make judgements’ can help us approach the situation with calm and confidence. This technique is called thought reframing and can be used for various unhelpful thoughts. 

Focusing on the breath: 

Our breath can help us feel grounded and centred in anxiety-provoking situations. If one is prone to social anxiety, it can be helpful to take 5 to 10 deep breaths before beginning a social interaction. One may also practice 4-7-8 breathing - inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds, or box breathing - inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, exhale for 5 seconds and hold for 5 seconds. These breathing techniques help us break out of a stressed or anxious state, and gently nudge us into a state of relaxation. 

Relaxation exercises: 

The antidote to a state of anxiety is to induce a state of relaxation. There are various relaxation techniques one can try, but a useful and accessible one is something called ‘progressive muscle relaxation’. In this, we alternate between tightening the muscles and relaxing them. As you breathe in, tighten your muscles, and as you exhale, slowly and gently relax your muscles. This trains us to stay relaxed under stressful circumstances. 

5. Visualisation: Visualising yourself successfully navigating a social interaction before you start can help boost confidence. While in a social setting, visualising your safe or happy place can also provide some relief from the anxiety one may be feeling. 
6. Positive self-talk: Social anxiety can often be accompanied with feelings of low self-esteem. Positive self-talk, like reminding yourself of past incidents where you’ve successfully navigated social interactions, or reminding yourself of your strengths can be helpful. 
7. Affirmation: One may want to practice an affirmation before entering a social situation. An affirmation that may be helpful for social anxiety can be something along the lines of: ‘I am worthy regardless of what others think of me,’ or ‘My worth is not defined by the opinions of others.’ One may want to create their own affirmation that feels authentic and fits with their inner experience of the anxiety or social situation. 
8. Preparing yourself: Preparing yourself in advance can help manage social anxiety in many situations. This is especially helpful for public speaking. One may try practising in front of the mirror, or in front of a trusted group of friends or family. One may even consider carrying notes or bullet points, if relevant. In informal social settings, too, preparing a few conversation topics in advance can come in handy when one is lost for words.   
9. Blowing off steam: Aerobic exercises can provide quick relief from symptoms of anxiety. A few jump jacks or a quick run before a social event can help blow off steam and calm the nerves. 
10. Taking frequent breaks: If you’re in a social setting that allows you to step away for brief periods, take that opportunity. This is often easy to do in large gatherings like wedding parties. One doesn’t have to be engaging with others all the time. One can take 10 minutes off for every 30 minutes that one engages with others. Use these 10 minutes to practice some relaxation or a few mindful moments to just be. 
11. Learning communication and assertiveness skills: In the long term, it may be helpful to learn some communication and assertiveness skills for social anxiety. Learning how to express yourself authentically can ease some of the anxiety. 

Conclusion (1-2 sentences):

Social anxiety can interfere with one’s personal and professional responsibilities and ambitions. If you or someone you know may be experiencing social anxiety, it’s advisable to seek professional help. With the right support, one can overcome their inhibitions and learn to manage social situations effectively. 

If you need support for social anxiety, you can reach out to one of our qualified and experienced mental health professionals, here. 

References: 

Ankrom, S. (2023, January 27). 9 Breathing exercises to relieve anxiety. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/abdominal-breathing-2584115 

Cleveland Clinic. (2022, November 10). Relax Your Way to Better Sleep (And More). Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/progressive-muscle-relaxation-pmr 

Cuncic, A. (2019). Top Tips for Managing Public Speaking Anxiety. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/tips-for-managing-public-speaking-anxiety-3024336 

Cuncic, A. (2024).  How to Be More Assertive Even If You’re Socially Anxious. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/how-can-i-be-more-assertive-when-i-have-social-anxiety-3024311

‌Exercise. (2013, July 11). Social Anxiety Ireland | Treating Social Phobias & Social Anxiety Disorder. https://socialanxietyireland.com/lifestyle/exercise-and-social-anxiety/ 

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‌NHS. (2022, September 26). Reframing unhelpful thoughts - self-help CBT techniques - every mind matters. Nhs.uk. https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/reframing-unhelpful-thoughts/ 

Wang, Y., Chen, J., Zhang, X., Lin, X., Sun, Y., Wang, N., Wang, J., & Luo, F. (2022). The Relationship between Perfectionism and Social Anxiety: A Moderated Mediation Model. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(19), 12934. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph191912934