Have that friend who keeps on interrupting your conversations, like how Spotify ads interrupt your music? Or a sibling who keeps on fidgeting around while you're trying to explain something? Or do you find it hard to organize that desk that has been piled up for so long?

If you know or work with someone who has ADHD, such instances will be familiar.

To most of us, ADHD might not be a new term. But to support a loved one, it is necessary to know more about ADHD, the challenges that come with it, the symptoms, and how to offer help in times of need.

Around 6.8% of adults worldwide are diagnosed with ADHD, irrespective of their age of onset.

In India, the prevalence of ADHD approximately falls in the range of 1.6-14% as a whole.

Now, the number of people with ADHD is surging; hence, it’s important to understand the impact ADHD can have on one's life.

Understanding ADHD and Its Impact

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects people's cognition and behaviour. Its symptoms are usually noticeable during childhood (3-6 years of age) and may become more pronounced when they start attending school. The teachers may notice the child being “absent-minded” or “drifting off” while in class.

The average age of ADHD diagnosis is 7 years, and most of the children are diagnosed under 12 years.

Some cases of undiagnosed ADHD may later be detected in adulthood.

Types of ADHD:

There are 3 types of ADHD:

Inattentive and distractible ADHD
Hyperactive or impulsive ADHD
Combination type ADHD

Symptoms of ADHD

The typical symptoms of ADHD include:

Trouble concentrating
Unable to focus; tends to drift off in a conversation
Impatient and constant interruption
Often forgetful
Switches from one activity to the other; leaving the task unfinished
Difficulty in multitasking or performing complicated tasks
Frequently misplacing or losing their belongings
Fidgety and restless
Poor organizational skills
Irritable mood; anxious
Fast-paced speaking

All these can make it difficult for a person with ADHD as well as the ones around them, which may lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Impact of ADHD on Daily Life

For a child with ADHD, it might be challenging for their parents to deal with things such as:

Putting them to sleep
Giving out and making them follow instructions
Getting ready for school
Organizing
Social interaction with other kids or people

For adults with ADHD, the challenges may be regarding:

Time management; showing up for work on time
Restlessness or impatience
Focusing and finishing a task
Impulsive and risk-taking behaviour
Maintaining social relationships

How to Approach Someone About ADHD

Preparing for the Conversation

You should be careful while striking up the first conversation when approaching someone about any health condition, especially mental health conditions such as ADHD.

The strategies mentioned below can be helpful in such situations.

Educating Yourself About ADHD

The key step to understanding the struggles of someone with ADHD is educating yourself about the condition.

You can tap into the computer and search for websites solely dedicated to ADHD, such as:

add.org: The Attention Deficit Disorder Association

additudemag.com: focuses on women with ADHD

CHADD.org: online support for children and adults with attention deficit disorder

Apart from this, you can simply accompany your loved one's appointment with a doctor and learn about their symptoms and treatment.

Planning Your Approach

Understanding more about the condition helps you realize why people with ADHD think and behave the way they do.

So while approaching them to discuss things, be mindful of the kind of language and words you use. For example, instead of blaming them for being forgetful, try reassuringly saying things, such as “I can understand why you have trouble remembering it.”.

Discuss situations where you can be of help to them, such as doing laundry, handling money, or sitting with them in planning and organizing a particular task.

Choosing the Right Time and Place

Find a time when you both can give enough attention to each other and there's minimal distraction.

It is ideal to have important discussions during this time.

Take into consideration the type of medications your partner with ADHD is taking and plan accordingly.

For instance, if your partner is taking stimulant medicines, it can affect their attention span and overall mood.

Expressing Concern with Empathy

It is normal to feel concerned or worn out when you're living with a loved one who has ADHD.

One great tip is to incorporate “I” statements while expressing your concerns. For example, instead of saying, “You always cut over me when I talk, You don't even care," try saying, “I feel unheard when you suddenly change the subject.”

If they're having a hard time doing everyday activities, such as doing dishes, you can offer them support without being judgmental. Instead of blaming them by saying, “You are always lazy,” try saying, “I can understand why this can be overwhelming for you.”

This way, your message remains well received without making your loved one feel personally attacked.

Using Supportive Language

Positive Communication Techniques

Here are a few methods by which using supportive language and offering encouragement can positively impact someone with ADHD.

Supportive language

Ensuring the use of supportive language while communicating with someone who has ADHD is essential.

For example, if you understand that they're overwhelmed about taking up a new project, try saying, “I am here to support you” or emphasize the fact that you believe in their abilities.

If you want to remind them about a particular task and they end up forgetting it multiple times, you can tell them to consider kindly keeping a calendar reminder.

Offering Encouragement

A lot of people with ADHD can have low self-esteem as they are already aware of their weaknesses and are constantly reminded of them by their friends, teachers, and parents.

One way to boost their self-confidence is by focusing on their strengths.

For instance, if you know a friend with ADHD who is highly talented in music, give out compliments, encourage them to hone their skills, or even start a page or channel on social media to showcase their skills.

Such simple steps can help boost their self-esteem and make them realize that there are people who genuinely care about them.

Avoiding Negative Language

As much as positive language can help someone with ADHD to reinstall their confidence, negative comments and words can put them down. It can aggravate their low self-esteem and throw them into a vicious cycle of procrastination and impulsivity.

Triggering Phrases to Avoid

There are some words or phrases that must be avoided while having a conversation with someone who has ADHD.

“You don't have ADHD; you're just lazy.”
“It's not just you. Everyone has trouble paying attention or focusing sometimes.”
“You have the potential. You just need to try harder.”
“You're using your ADHD as an excuse.”

All these are examples of what not to say to someone with ADHD. You may not even realize that they're trying their best to do something.

One needs to understand that there's a major difference between refusing to take accountability and genuinely giving an explanation.

Understanding Sensitivity

People with ADHD are highly sensitive to dismissive comments or criticisms like the ones mentioned above. They can feel bleak and demoralized when confronted with such negative phrases.

Remember that being a little more mindful and sensitive when speaking to someone struggling with ADHD can make them feel more understood and included.

Understanding the Impact of Words

How Comments Affect Self-Esteem

People with ADHD, especially children, are prone to negative criticism from their caregivers. This is because most often, parents tend to focus on the bad behaviours rather than appreciate the good behaviours of the child.

According to Dr. Thomas Phelan, a renowned clinical psychologist focusing on child discipline and attention deficit disorder, praising one's child very little along with constant criticism can decline their confidence levels, eventually leading to cognitive and behavioural issues. He encourages parents to focus on the good behavioural aspects of their children and praise them rather than the negative.

Practical Ways to Support Someone with ADHD

Encouraging Professional Help

People with ADHD may find it overwhelming to seek help. Approaching them with empathy would be step one.

Additionally, knowing about the different types of available treatment and encouraging them to receive it can be a great way to help them out.

How to Suggest Seeking Help

If you feel like a loved one might have ADHD, approach them with an open and non-judgmental mind. Listen to what they have to say before you speak.

Keep the following things in mind while approaching them:

Stay calm
Be accepting and empathetic while listening to them
Show them that you genuinely care about them
Maintain positive body language
Avoid interruptions when they begin to open up

Types of Professionals and Treatments

To help your loved one with ADHD, you can help them find any of the following healthcare professionals:

Psychiatrist
Clinical psychologist
Paediatrician (a child specialist)
ADHD coach or therapist
General Practitioner (cannot diagnose but can evaluate and refer to a specialist)

Treatment options and their efficacy vary from person to person.

Medications: while these are not necessary for all, some specialists may prescribe medicines based on the type of ADHD and severity of the symptoms.

Therapy: therapy coupled with medication is effective for both adults and children.

For children, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), along with additional therapies including music and art, can help them deal with the symptoms of ADHD better.

For adults, cognitive behavioural therapy is one of the best ways to treat ADHD. It helps them identify the triggers and manage negative behaviours.

Overall, it helps people develop effective coping strategies and routines to manage the symptoms of ADHD and lead a productive life.

Active listening techniques

Even though you can't change the way the mind wanders off constantly in a person with ADHD, you definitely can try to become a better listener.

The next time you're in the middle of a conversation,

Try to maintain eye contact with them.
Ask them questions like, “Hey, did you hear what I said?” Or, “What's your take on this?”
Try breaking down the conversation into smaller parts so that it'll be easy for them to process.

Creating a Supportive Environment

Developing an environment composed of routines, planners, and organizational tools can help people with ADHD thrive!

Establishing Routine and Structure

Here are some tips for maintaining a routine:

Create a schedule with the time-consuming tasks allotted during the day and the simple tasks during the evening or night since their energy levels are usually low at that time.
Come up with routines, as it may help alleviate the associated anxiety that people with ADHD may have. They like to know what lies ahead rather than not knowing it and suddenly being thrown in to face it.

For example, having a school schedule can help a child with ADHD manage things better.

For an adult, having a work routine can feel consoling.

Organizational Tools and Tips

To plan a routine, you can make use of organizational tools such as planners, sticky notes, apps, or a simple whiteboard to write down using an erasable marker—stick to whatever works out for you.
When you schedule things, do it a little ahead of time. Take care to allot more time than you think is required for a particular task, as it's difficult to estimate the exact amount of time required.
Break large projects into smaller and simpler tasks so that you don't exhaust yourselves.

Supporting a Partner with ADHD

Understanding the Impact on Relationships

In adults, ADHD often goes undiagnosed. When in an adult romantic relationship, your partner may or may not know they have ADHD, or they might even be reluctant to disclose it, especially if you have only recently started dating.

Regardless of the timeline, the impacts are going to be the same. It can affect the dynamics of the relationship, leading to misunderstandings and resentment between you and your partner.

Let's see how having a partner with ADHD affects a relationship and what can be done about it.

Balancing Relationship Dynamics

Having a partner with ADHD can be challenging when it comes to maintaining stable relationship dynamics.

Miscommunication:

A lack of clear communication can lead to a lack of trust, followed by a series of conflicts. Miscommunication can stem from forgetfulness, procrastination, and the inability to express oneself clearly through words, which can lead to feelings of neglect and ignorance.

Emotional intimacy:

a partner with ADHD may have poor emotional regulation, which can lead to out-of-proportion reactions. Sometimes, the emotional response can be just the opposite, especially when they're so self-absorbed, which can look insensitive to the partner.

Partnering vs. parenting:

remember that you're a partner, not a parent. Picking up after your partner in every task not only makes them overly dependent on you but also makes them feel controlled. You're a team. So what you can do is identify their strengths and split daily chores accordingly.

Set healthy boundaries:

being supportive of your ADHD partner is a good thing, but draining yourself out by breaking your boundaries is not okay. Talk to your partner.

Let go of a few things:

If you come across a few insignificant things, let them go. This will also help to reduce your worries and concerns about your ADHD partner. For example, constantly fixating on their tendency to forget things is not going to help both of you. So it's okay to let it slide as long as it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings.

Maintaining Open Communication

It is important to keep communication between you and your partner with ADHD open to keep your relationship healthy and save it from pitfalls in the long run.

Regular Check-Ins and Honest

Find time to have regular discussions on topics such as what their needs and expectations are from this relationship.

You can't hide your emotions or sugarcoat whenever things hit a tough road, but you don't have to be rude about that either.

The best way to communicate would be to keep it simple and honest without criticizing or blaming your partner. Such healthy communication can not only help sustain your relationship but also help you understand your partner better.

Self-Care for Supporters

Managing Stress and Emotions

Having a partner with ADHD can be exhausting for their partner. Hence, it's important to save some time for yourself every day to re-energise yourself.

Remember that to provide the best care for your loved ones, you need to take care of yourselves first.

Self-Care Techniques

Being the supporter of someone with ADHD, if you feel the need for a break and go for a fun sport, don't deny that and just go do it!

It is natural to feel worn out and frustrated despite knowing the struggles your partner has with ADHD. Because you too are a human being, and your feelings matter just as much.

Go out with a friend who finds bowling or go-karting as exciting as you do.
Plan a solo date to your favourite cafe for some quality time with yourself.
Practice techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and yoga.
Engage in your hobbies—music, cooking, painting, dancing—whatever helps you to let off the steam.

Support Groups and Counseling

Engage in exercises—in the comfort of your home or as a group.
Seeking help from support groups helps you connect with people who are going through similar situations, and it can make it easier for you to deal with the everyday challenges you face in your relationship.
Talk to a therapist to manage stress or an ADHD carer regarding your concerns about your partner.

Recognizing Your Limits

One thing you have to constantly remind yourself of is that you cannot solve every issue for your loved one. Instead, focus on the things that you can control and offer support based on them.

You have to decide what role you can play in making the lives of the lives of your loved ones a little easier.

Being the non-judgmental listener and go-to person
A helping hand when it comes to doing daily life activities
The benefactor: a role that's unlikely to be chosen by everyone as these are the people who offer financial support; for example, books for educational purposes, and therapy.

Additional Resources for Understanding and Supporting ADHD

Helplines and Support Groups

There's a wide array of resources available for people with ADHD and their supporters such as websites, helpline numbers, podcasts, and support groups available:

Talkspace (comprehensive)
ADDA Parent Support Group (for parents with children who have ADHD)
ADDitude ADHD Experts Podcast (best for adults)
Amwell ( for treatment)
Headspace ( for coping strategies)
CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) ( non-profit organization)
Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA)

Books and Articles for Further Information

A few books that can be helpful for people with ADHD as well as their caregivers include:

Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents - 4th edition
Thriving with Adult ADHD: Skills to Strengthen Executive Functioning
The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder
Women with Attention Deficit Disorder

Conclusion

ADHD can be a debilitating condition for people who have it and those around them. Many people are undiagnosed yet and struggle with even the tasks that might seem simple to others. Hence, the constant support and encouragement from their loved ones is the fuel that keeps them going.

Fortunately, there are many modes of treatment, such as medicines, behavioural therapies, and support groups, to help them manage and move forward, living a fruitful life.

References

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How to Help Someone with ADHD: A Guide for Supportive Friends and Family