How to Help Someone with Anxiety: A Guide for Supportive Friends and Family

What is Anxiety?

When somebody says anxiety, the immediate thought that pops into our mind is sweaty hands and face, rapid heartbeats and a big wave of fear hitting us strongly. While all of this is true, it must be noted that anxiety is a normal reaction of our bodies. In fact, positive stress motivates us to perform better in many situations.  

How common is Anxiety:

Anxiety affects everyone in different ways. Some people feel it for a fleeting moment while for others, it interferes with routine life. Anxiety is fairly common among people globally. In fact, the prevalence of anxiety disorders in adults, adolescents and children might surprise you. 

Global prevalence:

• Anxiety disorders are the world’s most common mental health condition, affecting 301 million people in 2019.
• More women are affected by anxiety disorders than men.
• Approximately 1 in 4 people with anxiety disorders receive treatment for this condition. (7)

Prevalence in India: 

The mental health assessment conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS) concluded that about 3.5% of the Indian population has some kind of anxiety disorder. 

• Anxiety affects around 18% of the population in India.
• 3.1% of the Indian population suffers from Generalized anxiety disorder.
• An estimated 6.8% of kids and adolescents are affected by anxiety disorders.
• 2.6% of the children suffer from Agoraphobia.
• The incidence of anxiety disorders increased to up to 16.8% in youth during the COVID-19 pandemic. (1)

Prevalence in the USA: 

Based on the interview data from the National Comorbidity Study Replication (NCS-R), the past year's prevalence for any anxiety disorder amongst US citizens was found to be 19.1%. (2)

• An estimated 31.9% of adolescents have anxiety disorder.
• The prevalence of any anxiety disorder among adolescents was higher for females (38.0%) than for males (26.1%). 
• 2.7% of the adults in the USA have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Anxiety can be much more than just a jumpy feeling you have when you are about to start something new. For people with anxiety disorders, the fear can become overbearing. If you have anxiety, you might experience the following symptoms:

• Restlessness that interferes with your daily life
• Avoiding daily activities that you used to do previously
• Unexplained chest pains 
• Shortness of breath
• Trouble concentrating or making decisions 
• Trouble sleeping
• Having a constant sense of impending danger or doom
• Experiencing nausea or abdominal distress
• Easily getting fatigued 

Anxiety disorders can increase the risk of having suicidal ideation as well as increase the risk of a person indulging in substance abuse. 

Types of anxiety disorders:

The DSM mentions several types of anxiety disorders. They are:

• Generalized anxiety disorder
• Panic disorder
• Phobias
• Agoraphobia
• Social anxiety disorder
• Separation anxiety disorder
• Selective mutism 

How to Help Someone with Anxiety

It is natural to want to help someone when they are experiencing anxiety that impairs their daily functioning. It is important to understand that the person experiencing anxiety might be overwhelmed with fear. To help them, the first thing that you can do is simply be present. Instead of actively confronting them and forcing them to talk about their concerns, let them know that you are there to help them out in need. 

How does Validating Feelings help someone with Anxiety?  

People can get anxious over a variety of things. How you address the situation to help with anxiety might vary but validating thoughts, emotions and feelings can surely help to reduce anxiety. Being more empathetic and actively listening without any judgements also helps to validate the feelings of someone experiencing anxiety.

However, one must keep in mind that validating feelings means creating a safe space for the person to express their feelings without the fear of any judgement and rejection. Their feelings might not be rational sometimes, but you can make them understand that their feelings matter. 

What is Empathy and Understanding?

When you have empathy, you can understand what the other person is feeling at the moment. It is like seeing the world through their eyes. You can understand the motive behind their actions and the reason behind their anxiety. 

The things that might be trivial for you might be a subject of fear for somebody else. Their anxiety might not make sense to you but it surely affects them to a greater degree. Saying things like “There is no need to fuss over such petty things” or “You’re worrying too much for such a small thing” might make them think that you are dismissing their feelings. What you can do instead is support the person by listening to them without judgement, and offering encouragement.

For example, your friend is anxious because he is about to deliver a speech in front of a big crowd. You can say, “It is completely normal to feel a little anxious. However, I have seen you speak very well while preparing for the speech.” 

How Can You Listen Without Judgement?   

When somebody is sad, fearful or anxious about something, it is natural to vent and let it all out. How to help someone with anxiety in such situations, is by actively listening to their problems.

This creates a safe space that is free of judgement. By doing this, you overcome the way you perceive your reality and accept that other’s thought processes might be different. There are different ways in which you can do your best to focus solely on the other person. 

Here is how you can listen without judgement:

1. Be genuine in your actions
2. Maintain a positive body language
3. Make sure that you are in the right state of mind
4. Practice active listening
5. Practice empathy

Listening without judgement can have a positive impact on the speaker’s mental health. Letting off the weight reduces the effect of anxiety greatly. 

What Invalidating Statements Should You Avoid?   

As much as listening without judgement is important, it is also crucial to avoid saying things that might be hurtful to someone experiencing anxiety. People who experience anxiety often feel that they are utterly misunderstood.

This may be true because most people do not understand that anxiety might fill a person with crippling fear. 

So to be more supportive, it is advisable to avoid using invalidating statements. 

Here are examples of what not to say to someone with anxiety: 

1. It could have been worse
2. You shouldn't feel that way
3. You are just overthinking it
4. Just get on with it
5. This happens to everyone
6. Do not start with this again

How to Encourage Professional Help Someone with Anxiety Disorder:

If anxiety is interfering with the ability to live a healthy life or causing problems in your routine, it is time to seek professional help. However, seeking professional help may make one feel that something is “wrong” with them. In such cases, offering support and encouragement to seek help can nudge them to take the first step.

Remind them that there’s nothing “wrong” or “weak” about needing professional help, and everyone needs some form of help at some point in their lives. You can encourage them to make an appointment with a mental health provider. They do not have to commit to a long-term therapy.

A single session, to begin with, can provide an opportunity for the person to understand their experience. But be patient. Make sure that you do not pressure them to seek help. Psychotherapy along with pharmacological treatment when necessary is the most effective treatment for anxiety.

Another up-and-coming treatment option is neurostimulation. Neurostimulation involves using an electric current or magnetic field to stimulate the activity in the brain. It enhances brain function by strengthening the connection between neurons (brain cells). 

One such non-invasive brain stimulation technique is called Transcranial Direct Current stimulation (tDCS). It involves placing two electrodes on the head and supplying a mild electric current (1-2mA) to stimulate the affected areas in the brain. Research shows that using tDCS has shown a significant difference in alleviating symptoms of anxiety, and improving the quality of sleep and social behaviour. 

How Can You Offer Support and Encouragement?  

Most people with anxiety see it as an insurmountable hurdle. However, if your loved one is refusing to see a mental health professional, you can help them by offering support. You can educate yourself on the matters of anxiety and how a mental health professional can help with the treatment. You can also clarify what their first visit to the therapist might look like. This might ease their worries and encourage them to take the first towards treatment. 

What Resources and Information Can You Provide?   

If your loved one is suffering from anxiety, the best way to support them is by providing them with resources and information about possible treatment options. You can encourage them to seek therapy. They might be a bit hesitant to start but you can reassure them that you will be present every step of the way. You can also offer them to search for health providers around you. If the person is not ready to seek therapy, you can encourage them to join a support group or call on a helpline number in case of emergencies. 

Here is the list of helplines for anxiety in India:

1. iCALL Psychosocial Helpline
2. Lifeline Foundation
3. Samaritans Mumbai
4. Muktaa Mental Health Helpline
5. ND Prana Lifeline
6. Kiran, 24/7 National Toll free Mental Health Rehabilitation Helpline
7. Vandrevala Foundation crisis intervention helpline

Seeking help from the available resources can help a person control their anxiety to a great extent. 

How to Support Someone with Anxiety During Anxiety Attacks:

How do you calm someone down with anxiety:  

Anxiety attacks are an intense rush of fear that can paralyze our ability to think straight or stay calm. On the surface, you might see people sweating, shaking, or having difficulty in breathing. 

The person having the anxiety attack might be emotionally overwhelmed but you can remain calm and reassure them. You can also provide support or help them manage their anxiety by using grounding techniques. 

How Can You Remain Calm and Reassure Them?   

If you see somebody in a state of anxiety, you can start to calm them down by taking them to a quiet place. Focus on speaking to them clearly and address their needs without being judgemental. Reassuring them that everything is going to be okay. It is helpful when you say things like:

• “What you are feeling is scary, but not dangerous”
• “What would be the most favourable outcome according to you? Imagine having achieved that.”
• “Try staying in the present”
• “You are powerful enough to get through this.”

What if They Need Space or Support?    

Try to ask what the person needs. If they say that they need space, give them space but make sure to let them know that you are available if they need you. 

For example, your partner is feeling anxious thinking if marriage would be the correct step. If you are wondering how to help your partner with anxiety, you can calm them down by helping them breathe slowly and asking them if they need some time and space to think about marriage. If your partner says yes, provide them with some but make yourself available if they need you. 

What Grounding Techniques Can Help?    

When having an anxiety attack, the person might be in a completely different frame of mind. Sometimes, it might become difficult to bring them back from the state of overwhelm. Grounding techniques are exceptionally helpful in doing so. 

Techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness practice help to engage oneself in all the five senses. It brings us back to the present moment by focusing on the five senses. You can practice this technique by doing the following:

• Name 5 things you can see
• Name 4 things you can touch
• Name 3 things you can hear
• Name 2 things you can smell
• Name 1 thing you can taste

This deliberate shift of attention is very effective in reducing anxiety. It helps one immerse mindfully in the present and takes the body from a fight or flight response to a place of security. 

Another practice that you can use is the 333 technique. The 333 technique uses a similar approach. It deliberately shifts our focus to our physical surroundings. You have to name three things you can hear and see and move 3 parts of your body.

How to Help Anxiety Patients in Daily Life: 

What Coping Techniques Can You Suggest? 

There are many strategies that you can use to manage anxiety. Lifestyle changes, positive affirmations and meditation are some of them. Here is a list of cope with anxiety:

1. Listen to guided meditation
2. Practice muscle relaxation
3. Challenge your negative thoughts
4. Reduce caffeine intake
5. Schedule worry time
6. Reduce alcohol intake
7. Exercise

How Can You Provide Distractions and Companionship? 

Usually, anxiety is rooted in overthinking. Constantly ruminating over some thoughts would make them anxious and worrisome about some situations. Distractions can be useful by diverting attention towards something else. 

Journaling one’s thoughts can help analyze the situation and gain clarity on the subject. 

One can also engage in fun activities. For example, if your friend is anxious about the upcoming evaluation results at their job, you can distract them by doing some fun activity together like playing an indoor game to pass the time, drawing something, or completing a puzzle. 

How to Care For Yourself First Before Helping and Supporting Someone with Anxiety:

It is rightly said that “Without caring for yourself, you won’t be able to care for others.” This is why helping yourself first is important. While figuring out how to help someone with anxiety, one must keep in mind that they too have an emotional capacity to understand things. 

Why is Setting Boundaries Important?   

If your loved one has an anxiety disorder, you must understand that it is a long journey. Coping with healthy anxiety is a different thing but severe anxiety can take a toll on the sufferer as well as you. Take a moment to think about how much you can handle. Yes, you might care for your loved one but it’s important not to neglect your needs and well-being. 

Giving attention, energy and thoughts beyond your capacity can drain you as well. Hence, establishing boundaries beforehand can save you from getting overwhelmed. 

How Can You Access Support for Yourself?   

Caring for somebody who has an anxiety disorder can sometimes be draining. Many times you might even feel guilty for not being able to help the person enough. However, you must realize that you can’t cure anxiety. The most that you can do is lend support and be present during the tough times. 

If you find yourself getting emotionally exhausted after dealing with them, you can talk to somebody about your feelings. Sharing concerns can take the load off your chest. You might feel lighter and more at peace. 

What Mistakes Should You Avoid?   

As mentioned earlier, drawing boundaries is important. You need to be able to lend your support but avoid being too accommodating. There is a possibility that you might burn yourself out, emotionally and physically. You must avoid generalizing the person’s fear or it might start to affect you as well. You must also make sure that you do not disregard your own anxiety if you have any. Talk to a friend or your family about your concerns. Speak to a professional if necessary.

Conclusion:

Everybody feels anxious at some point in their lives. While tackling it is easy for some, it is difficult for those with anxiety disorders. When you are dealing with somebody who has an anxiety disorder, you must understand that the fear is not just something they feel but what restricts them from taking constructive steps. Validating their feelings can help them feel more comfortable and in control.

If you are unsure what to do about it, you can just be present for them. This might provide them with a sense of security. Make sure that you take only as much as you can handle. This might help you from exhausting yourself emotionally. 

If you feel that the anxiety is getting in the way of leading a happy and fruitful life, you must consider seeking professional help. Mental health professionals can help you trace the source of your worries and help you take steps towards dealing with anxiety. 

At Mave Health, we understand that anxiety is more than just hyperventilating or worrying too much. With an exceptional team of psychologists and neurostimulation techniques like ARC-tDCS, helping someone with an anxiety disorder is possible. 

References:

1. Rao, G., Manjunatha, N., Jayasankar, P., Suhas, S., Gopalkrishna, G., Varghese, M., & Benegal, V. (2022). Prevalence and its correlates of anxiety disorders from India’s National Mental Health Survey 2016. Indian Journal of Psychiatry/Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 64(2), 138. https://doi.org/10.4103/indianjpsychiatry.indianjpsychiatry_964_21 
2. Any anxiety disorder. (n.d.). National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder#:~:text=An%20estimated%2031.1%25%20of%20U.S.,some%20time%20in%20their%20lives. 
3. Wu, Y., Tang, L., Shi, X., Zhou, Z., Li, Y., & Shan, C. (2022). Effects of TDCS on depression and comorbid Generalized Anxiety Disorder: A Brain Function Imaging Case report. Frontiers in Neurology, 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fneur.2022.879339 
4.  Find A Helpline | Free emotional support in 130+ countries. (n.d.). https://findahelpline.com/countries/in/topics/anxiety 
5. Bell, A. (2024, June 17). How to help someone who is having a panic attack. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/how-to-help-someone-who-is-having-a-panic-attack 
6. How to Help Someone with Anxiety. (2022, November 1). Johns Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/how-to-help-someone-with-anxiety 
7. World Health Organization: WHO. (2023, September 27). Anxiety disorders. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders#:~:text=In%202019%2C%20301%20million%20people,receive%20any%20treatment%20(2).