How to Help Someone with Eating Disorder: A Guide for Supportive Friends and Family

Afeefa Rafath

Practicing Psychologist | EAP Counsellor | Content Writer

30 Jul 202413 min read

family sitting together at table to have a food - Help Someone with Eating Disorder

Disclaimer: This article discusses eating disorders, including signs, symptoms, and support strategies, which may be distressing to some readers.

Introduction of Eating Disorder

Eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder, are complex mental health conditions that affect individuals physically, emotionally, and socially.

These disorders often stem from a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors, making them challenging to overcome alone. Understanding how to support someone with an eating disorder is crucial for friends and family members.

Support from loved ones plays a pivotal role in the recovery journey. Friends and family provide emotional stability, encouragement, and practical assistance, creating a supportive environment that fosters healing. Their understanding and patience can help navigate the ups and downs of treatment, reinforcing positive behaviours and helping to prevent relapses.

By educating themselves about eating disorders and offering unwavering support, friends and family members can empower their loved ones to seek professional help and embark on a path towards recovery and improved well-being.

Understanding Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions characterized by abnormal eating habits that negatively impact an individual's physical and mental health. These disorders often involve a preoccupation with food, body weight, and shape, leading to dangerous behaviours. The most common types of eating disorders are Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge-Eating Disorder.

Definition and Types of Eating Disorders

Anorexia Nervosa

Anorexia Nervosa is marked by an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted body image, leading individuals to restrict their food intake drastically. People with anorexia often see themselves as overweight, even when they are underweight.

This disorder can cause severe malnutrition, affecting every organ system in the body. Symptoms include extreme weight loss, a refusal to eat certain foods, and a relentless pursuit of thinness. Complications can be life-threatening and may include heart problems, bone density loss, and infertility.

Bulimia Nervosa

Bulimia Nervosa involves cycles of binge eating followed by compensatory behaviours such as vomiting, excessive exercise, or laxative abuse to prevent weight gain. Unlike anorexia, individuals with bulimia may maintain a normal weight or be overweight, making the disorder less visible.

Symptoms include frequent episodes of consuming large amounts of food in a short time, feeling out of control during binges, and subsequent purging behaviours. Bulimia can lead to severe dehydration, electrolyte imbalances, gastrointestinal problems, and dental issues due to stomach acid from frequent vomiting.

Binge-Eating Disorder

Binge-Eating Disorder (BED) is characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food, often rapidly and to the point of discomfort. Unlike bulimia, binge eating is not followed by purging. Individuals with BED often experience feelings of shame, distress, and guilt about their eating habits, which can exacerbate the disorder.

BED is the most common eating disorder in the United States and can lead to obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and other serious health issues. Treatment often involves psychological support and strategies to develop healthier eating patterns.

16 Common Signs and Symptoms of Eating Disorder

Understanding the common signs and symptoms of eating disorders can help you recognize when a loved one may need help. Knowing these signs can guide you on how to help people with eating disorders effectively.

5 Behavioural Signs of eating disorders

Preoccupation with Food: Obsessive thoughts about food, dieting, or body image.
Avoidance of Meals: Skipping meals or making excuses not to eat.
Eating Rituals: Developing strict eating habits, such as cutting food into tiny pieces or eating in a specific order.
Hoarding Food: Storing food in unusual places or binge eating in secret.
Excessive Exercise: Exercising compulsively, even when injured or exhausted.

6 Physical Signs of eating disorders

Weight Fluctuations: Noticeable weight changes, whether rapid loss or gain.
Gastrointestinal Issues: Complaints of stomach pain, constipation, or acid reflux.
Fatigue: Constant tiredness or low energy levels.
Dental Issues: Erosion of tooth enamel or cavities, often due to vomiting.
Menstrual Irregularities: Missed periods or other menstrual problems in women.
Dizziness or Fainting: Frequent episodes of dizziness or fainting spells.

5 Emotional Signs of eating disorders

Mood Swings: Rapid mood changes, from extreme highs to deep lows.
Anxiety and Depression: Signs of anxiety, depression, or withdrawal from social activities.
Perfectionism: An intense focus on achieving an unrealistic standard of perfection.
Low Self-Esteem: Negative self-talk and a distorted self-image.
Guilt and Shame: Feelings of guilt or shame related to eating habits or body image.

How to Approach Someone About an Eating Disorder? In 23 Different ways in 2024

Approaching someone about an eating disorder requires sensitivity, preparation, and compassion. Here's a guide on how to approach someone about an eating disorder effectively.

1. Preparing for the Conversation

Research and understand the specific eating disorder your loved one might be facing. Gather your thoughts and plan what you want to say to express concern without judgment.

Research and Understand the Disorder. Before initiating the conversation, educate yourself about eating disorders. Understanding the different types, symptoms, and potential impacts can help you approach the situation with knowledge and empathy. Refer to the list of reliable resources at the end of the article for more information on eating disorders.
Gather Your Thoughts and Plan What to Say. Think carefully about what you want to convey. Write down your thoughts if needed. Focus on expressing your concern and support rather than diagnosing or offering solutions. Planning your words can help ensure the conversation remains supportive and non-confrontational.

2. Choosing the Right Time and Place

Select a quiet, private, and comfortable setting for the conversation, ensuring there are no distractions. This helps create a safe environment where your loved one feels more open to talking.

Importance of a Private and Comfortable Setting. Select a quiet, private, and comfortable place for the conversation. Avoid discussing such sensitive topics in public or during stressful times. A calm environment can help the person feel safe and more open to talking.

3. Expressing Concern Without Judgment

Approach the conversation with empathy, focusing on your care and support. Highlight specific observations and express your concern gently, ensuring your tone is understanding and non-judgmental.

Use “I” Statements to Avoid Sounding Accusatory. When discussing your concerns, use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. This approach helps express your feelings without placing blame.

For example:

“I’ve noticed you seem stressed about food lately, and I’m worried about you.”
“I care about you and have seen some changes in your eating habits that concern me.”

Using “I” statements shows that your concern comes from a place of care and personal observation rather than judgment.

How to Tell Someone “You Have an Eating Disorder” ?

Telling someone they have an eating disorder is delicate. Instead, express concern and support without diagnosing them: "I've noticed some changes in your eating habits that worry me. I'm here for you and want to help you get the support you need."

What to Say and What Not to Say

Approaching someone with an eating disorder requires careful choice of words to provide support without causing harm. Here's a guide on what to say to someone with an eating disorder and what to avoid.

4. Positive and Supportive Language

Using positive and supportive language can make a significant difference. Here are examples of helpful phrases:

"I'm here for you." This shows your willingness to support and listen.
"You don't have to go through this alone." Emphasize that they have support and are not isolated.
"I'm concerned about your health and well-being." Focus on your care for their overall health rather than their appearance or eating habits.
"It's okay to ask for help." Encourage seeking professional support without pressuring them.
"How can I support you?" This offers help tailored to their needs and respects their autonomy.

5. Avoiding Triggering Phrases

Certain phrases can be triggering or unhelpful. Here are examples of phrases to avoid:

"You look so healthy/skinny." Comments on appearance can reinforce unhealthy behaviours or trigger anxiety.
"Just eat more/less." Simplifying the issue minimizes their struggle and can be dismissive.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" This can come across as blaming and increase feelings of guilt.
"Others have it worse." Comparing their experience to others can invalidate their feelings and experiences.
"It's all in your head." This dismisses the seriousness of the disorder and can discourage seeking help.

Understanding the Impact of Words

Understanding the impact of words and choosing supportive language can make a significant difference in how someone with an eating disorder perceives themselves and their willingness to seek help. Your compassionate and non-judgmental approach can provide the support they need on their journey to recovery.

6. How Certain Comments Can Affect Someone with an Eating Disorder

Words have a powerful impact on someone with an eating disorder. Positive comments can provide support and encouragement, while negative or dismissive comments can worsen their condition. Here’s what not to say to someone with an eating disorder:

Comments on Appearance: Even well-meaning comments about looking "healthy" or "skinny" can reinforce the person’s focus on body image and perpetuate harmful behaviours. They may interpret "healthy" as "gained weight" or "skinny" as "not good enough," leading to increased anxiety or self-criticism.
Simplifying the Issue: Phrases like "just eat more/less" oversimplify the complexity of eating disorders. These disorders are not just about food; they are deeply rooted in psychological, emotional, and sometimes genetic factors. Simplistic advice can make the person feel misunderstood and unsupported.
Blaming Language: Asking "Why are you doing this to yourself?" implies that the person is at fault for their disorder. This can increase feelings of shame and guilt, making them less likely to open up and seek help.
Invalidating Feelings: Statements like "others have it worse" invalidate their struggles and experiences. Each person’s experience with an eating disorder is unique, and their feelings are valid regardless of others’ experiences.

Practical Ways to Support Someone with an Eating Disorder

7. Encouraging Professional Help

There are various professionals and treatments available to help with eating disorders, including:

Therapists and Counselors: Specializing in eating disorders, they offer cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), and other evidence-based treatments.
Dietitians and Nutritionists: They help educate individuals on how to create balanced meal plans and address nutritional deficiencies.
Medical Doctors: Regular check-ups with a primary care physician (GP) or specialist ensure overall health and address any medical complications.
Support Groups: Provide a sense of community and understanding from others experiencing similar struggles.

8. How to Suggest Seeking Help

Suggesting professional help requires sensitivity. Here are some ways to approach the conversation:

Express Concern: Gently voice your worries about their health and well-being.
Offer Information: Provide resources or information about professionals and treatments.
Normalize Seeking Help: Remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Offer to Assist: Offer to help them make appointments or accompany them to their first visit.

9. Offering Emotional Support

Being a Good Listener is crucial in providing emotional support. Here’s how you can be effective:

Active Listening: Show that you are fully present by maintaining eye contact and nodding.
Avoid Interrupting: Let them speak without interruptions or judgments.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings more openly.

10. Providing Reassurance and Understanding

Reassure your loved one that you care and are there for them. Some ways to provide reassurance include:

Validating Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions and experiences without judgment.
Offering Encouragement: Praise their efforts and small achievements in their recovery journey.
Being Compassionate: Show empathy and understanding of their struggles.

Being Patient and Understanding

11. Recognizing Progress Takes Time

Recovery from an eating disorder is a gradual process. Recognize that progress takes time and celebrate small victories:

Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that recovery is not linear and setbacks may occur.
Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate small steps forward.

12. Avoiding Frustration and Maintaining Patience

Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be challenging, but maintaining patience is crucial:

Manage Your Expectations: Realize that immediate changes are unlikely and that patience is essential.
Avoid Pressuring: Avoid applying pressure for rapid improvement, as it can increase stress and resistance.
Seek Support for Yourself: Consider joining a support group for families and friends to share your experiences and receive guidance on how to help someone with an eating disorder effectively.

Supporting a Partner with an Eating Disorder

Knowing how to help a partner with an eating disorder involves understanding the unique challenges, maintaining open communication, and balancing support with self-care. By being empathetic, maintaining healthy relationship dynamics, and taking care of yourself, you can provide effective support to your partner on their journey to recovery.

Understanding the Unique Challenges in a Romantic Relationship

Supporting a partner with an eating disorder presents unique challenges due to the intimate and emotional nature of the relationship. The dynamics of a romantic relationship can be impacted by the disorder, causing stress, misunderstandings, and emotional strain. It's essential to understand that your partner's behaviour may be influenced by their struggle, and separating the disorder from their identity is crucial.

13. Balancing Relationship Dynamics with Support

Balancing support with the regular dynamics of a romantic relationship requires sensitivity and flexibility. Focus on maintaining a healthy relationship while providing the necessary support by respecting each others’ boundaries, avoiding taking on the role of therapist, and continue engaging in relationship activities that both enjoy preserving the relationship's normalcy and joy.

14. Maintaining Open Communication

Open communication is key in helping a partner with an eating disorder. Regular check-ins and honest conversations can foster trust and understanding:

Create a Safe Space: Ensure your partner feels safe to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
Be Honest: Share your concerns and feelings honestly, but with empathy and sensitivity.
Encourage Openness: Encourage your partner to express their needs and challenges openly.

15. Balancing Support and Self-Care

Ensuring your well-being as supporting your partner with an eating disorder can be emotionally taxing, making self-care crucial. Some ways to do that are:

Set Boundaries: Establish boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
Seek Support: Consider joining a support group for partners of individuals with eating disorders to share experiences and gain insights.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that recharge and relax you, such as hobbies, exercise, or spending time with friends and family.
Communicate Your Needs: Share your own needs and feelings with your partner to maintain a balanced and healthy relationship.

Dealing with Relapses and Setbacks

16. Recognizing the Signs of a Relapse

Being aware of these signs can help you intervene early and provide the necessary support. Early warning signs of a relapse in someone with an eating disorder can vary but often include:

Changes in Eating Patterns: Skipping meals, restrictive eating, or returning to old habits of binging or purging.
Preoccupation with Weight and Body Image: Increased focus on body weight, shape, or frequent weighing.
Emotional Changes: Heightened anxiety, irritability, or withdrawal from social activities.
Physical Symptoms: Noticeable weight loss or gain, fatigue, or health complaints related to poor nutrition.

17. Offering Continuous Support

Offering ongoing encouragement is crucial for someone recovering from an eating disorder:

Stay Connected: Regularly check in with your loved one to show that you care and are there for them.
Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and celebrate their progress, no matter how small, to boost their morale.
Be Patient and Non-Judgmental: Understand that recovery is a long-term process with ups and downs. Avoid judgment and offer a listening ear instead.
Encourage Healthy Habits: Support your loved one in maintaining healthy eating and exercise habits without focusing on weight or appearance.

18. Encouraging Ongoing Treatment

Regular therapy and check-ins are vital in managing and preventing relapses:

Promote Professional Help: Encourage your loved one to continue seeing their therapist, dietitian, or doctor even when they feel better.
Support Treatment Plans: Be supportive of the treatment plan prescribed by professionals and encourage adherence to it.
Stay Informed: Educate yourself about the ongoing aspects of eating disorder recovery to provide informed support.
Facilitate Appointments: Offer to help with scheduling and attending appointments if your loved one needs assistance.

Self-Care for Supporters

19. Managing Your Own Emotions and Stress

Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be emotionally taxing. It’s crucial to acknowledge your own feelings and stress levels. Recognize that it’s normal to experience a range of emotions, including frustration, fear, and helplessness. Permit yourself to feel these emotions without guilt.

20. Seeking Support for Yourself

implementing self-care techniques can help manage stress and maintain your well-being. Consider incorporating the following practices into your routine:

Exercise: Regular physical activity can reduce stress and improve mood.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices such as deep breathing, yoga, or meditation can help centre your thoughts and reduce anxiety.
Hobbies and Interests: Engage in activities you enjoy to provide a mental break and uplift your spirits.
Rest and Nutrition: Ensure you get adequate sleep and eat balanced meals to keep your energy levels up.
Seeking Support: Just as your loved one needs support, you also need a network to lean on. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Support Groups: Joining a support group can provide a sense of community and understanding. Many organizations offer groups specifically for friends and family of individuals with eating disorders. Counselling or therapy can also be beneficial, providing a safe space to express your feelings and receive professional guidance.
1. The MINDS Foundation: Offers resources and support for mental health.
2. Sangath: Provides counselling and support for caregivers.

21. Understanding the Limits of Your Role

It’s important to recognize that while your support is vital, there are limits to what you can do. You cannot “fix” your loved one’s eating disorder; professional intervention is often necessary.

22. Recognizing What You Can and Cannot Do

Focus on being a source of support and encouragement rather than a fixer. Understand that recovery is a personal journey and that setbacks are common. Provide a listening ear and encourage healthy behaviours, but know that ultimately, the decision to seek help and commit to recovery lies with your loved one. By acknowledging these boundaries, you can offer more effective support while protecting your mental health.

Resources and Further Reading

List of Helplines, Websites, and Support Groups

Mavehealth Privaste Limited - website: https://www.mavehealth.com/
Vandrevala Foundation: 24/7 Mental Health Helpline: 9999 666 555, Website: vandrevalafoundation.com
Sangath: Helpline: +91 832 688 8880, Website: sangath.in
The MINDS Foundation: Website: mindsfoundation.org, Email: info@mindsfoundation.org
Lifeline Foundation: Helpline: 91-22-22796330, Website: icallhelpline.org

23. Books for Further Information

Books

"Eating in the Light of the Moon" by Anita Johnston: An insightful book exploring the psychological aspects of eating disorders.
"Life Without Ed" by Jenni Schaefer: A personal story and practical guide to recovery.

Conclusion

Supporting someone with an eating disorder requires empathy and understanding. Key strategies include educating yourself about their disorder, listening without judgment, and validating their feelings. Encourage actionable steps like seeking professional help, attending therapy, or joining support groups. Emphasize ongoing support by being patient, consistent, and available. Highlight the importance of professional intervention for specialized care and treatment. Your unwavering support and encouragement can make a significant difference in their recovery journey.