Is It Okay to Take a Break From a Relationship for Mental Health? Pros & Cons

Key Takeaways:

• Our mental health and relationships are closely linked; struggles in one area often affect the other.
• Taking a break doesn’t mean a breakup; it is a mutually agreed pause to focus on personal growth and mental health.
• To make the break effective, it’s essential to understand our reasons, set clear rules, establish a timeline, and keep communication open.
• A break can provide clarity, reduce stress, and allow us to focus on personal growth and reconnect with others.
• There are risks involved, including creating emotional distance, misunderstandings, and the possibility of a permanent breakup.
• A break may be necessary if the relationship feels overwhelming, is causing stress, or if mental health issues are affecting the partnership.
• Clear communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to the relationship are crucial for a successful break.
• Therapy can help navigate the break, manage uncertainties, and resolve underlying issues.

Introduction

Our mental health and relationship health are closely tied together, with one feeding the other. After all, we live or lives in the context of relationships, and if we are struggling, it will have some impact on our loved ones as well. 

Taking a break from a relationship for one’s mental health can take many forms. One may not be able to show up in their relationship because of their ongoing mental health struggles. Or, one may be unable to receive love because they have a difficult time being vulnerable. Sometimes, our relationship can also contribute to mental health struggles. 

For example, interpersonal conflict can often lead to feelings of anxiety and depression, and in some cases, taking some time off may be helpful. 

In this article, we will look at what a relationship break means and the pros and cons of taking a relationship break for mental health. 

What Does Taking a Break in a Relationship Mean?

Is a relationship break the same as a breakup? Does this mean you’re single now? Does it mean things are not going well in your relationship? What DOES a break mean in a relationship?  

The only relationship break meaning we universally agree on is that it’s not the same as a break up (Thank you, Ross & Rachel for teaching us this!).

Beyond this, a relationship break means what you and your partner decide it means. For some people, a break might mean no contact at all. For some, it might mean you are allowed to date other people. Some may want to talk less and focus on their career or friends or family for a while. Some may want to focus on their health. 

Navigating a Relationship Break for Mental Health Peace

If you and your partner decide to take a break, surely, it doesn’t come from nowhere. There’s usually a build-up to a relationship break. But when it’s time to act on it, there are some important things to keep in mind. 

• Know your why - You may have come to the conclusion that a relationship break will help your mental health. But, do you know why and how? Is it that issues in your relationship are contributing to your mental health woes? Is it the other way around? Knowing and remembering your why will help you use your break effectively, and come back to your relationship with new insights and tools.  
• Set some rules - A relationship break can feel unnerving, vulnerable and risky. It opens up the possibility of the relationship ending (we will talk more about this in a bit). Having some rules around what is okay to do or not during the break can help create a sense of safety. 
• Have a timeline - How long will the break last? Having a timeline to the break can give us a sense of clarity and safety. It also allows us some room to use the break effectively and prepare well for being actively involved in the relationship again. Additionally, having a timeline is what distinguishes a break from a breakup, and keeps the possibility of reconciliation alive. It motivates us to work towards addressing the issues. 
• What happens after the break is over? Now, here’s the tricky part. While in many cases, a relationship break can be healthy and helpful, there is always the possibility that one of the partners, or both, may not want to get back together. When we take a break, we have to stay aware of this possibility and try not to have any hard feelings. 

However, the hope is that the break will benefit your relationship. When the break is over, and you are again actively engaged in the relationship, it’s important to incorporate the changes that are necessary for the relationship. 

For example, if the break made you realize that you need to work on your communication style, it’s important that after the break is over, you work on this actively and not go back to old patterns that weren’t working well. 

Is It Okay to Take a Break for Mental Health?

In many ways, a relationship break for mental health is the same as a sabbatical from work for mental health. Our mental health impacts how we show up in our personal and professional lives, and vice versa. Often, our relationships also impact our mental health. Taking a break can sometimes be not just helpful but also necessary in order to work on our health and wellbeing. Some situations where a break might be necessary are: 

1. If your partner is not understanding or supportive of your mental health struggles 
2. If you are going through a difficult time and it’s impacting your relationship 
3. If there is ongoing conflict in the relationship, some space will help each of you think about what you want 
4. If the relationship has reached an impasse 

 So, coming back to the question, is it okay to take a break in a relationship? It depends. It depends on the concerns in the relationship, and the two people involved. It also depends on the resources available and the willingness of both partners to work on issues together. There is no moral issue here - as long as the people in the relationship are consenting, and there is honesty and clarity, it is okay to take a break in a relationship. 

Is It Good or Bad to Take a Break in a Relationship?

Even when a relationship break may be helpful, it has its pros and cons. 

Is It Good? Pros of Taking a Break From a Relationship

Let’s start with the pros of taking a break in a relationship. Some of the benefits of relationship breaks include: 

1. Gaining perspective - It is difficult to be both the participant and the observer. If the relationship has been feeling too intense or challenging in any way, a break can help get into the observer role and gain some perspective about what’s going on. 
2. Being able to focus on personal growth - Sometimes, a relationship can take us away from our personal goals and growth. This may not always be a reflection of the health of the relationship, but just a byproduct. A friend comes to mind - at the end of the first year of her marriage, she asked her husband to give her some space and let her be excused from the responsibilities of the relationship for a few months because she hadn’t been able to focus on work so much. They came to an agreement, and she took a few months to catch up on work, while he did the same. When they felt settled into a routine at work, they shifted their focus back to each other. 
3. Reducing stress and overwhelm - If there is conflict in the relationship, it can cause stress and overwhelm. Sometimes, it can become difficult to regulate ourselves while we are in the relationship. A break can help us feel calmer and better able to deal with the conflict.
4. Having the space and time to focus on other loved ones - It is quite common for one’s friendships and relationships with family members to take a backseat when one is romantically attached. A relationship break can give us the space and opportunity to reconnect with friends and family, or even people we may want to build professional relationships with. 

Is it Bad? Cons of Taking a Break From a Relationship

Nothing in life is either all good or all bad. A relationship break, too, comes with some disadvantages. Let’s now look at some cons of taking a break in a relationship. Some potential relationship break disadvantages are: 

1. It may create more emotional distance - If there’s already been growing distance in your relationship, a break can backfire and lead to even greater emotional distance. When there is emotional distance in a relationship, we want to lean in closer to each other, not away from each other. 
2. It may cause misunderstandings - If the rules of the break are not clear, there can be miscommunication and misunderstandings. It might be helpful to leave some room for communication and checking with each other about what’s okay and what’s not when you’re on a break. This, of course, should be in addition to the rules you set at the beginning of the break. 
3. It can make you feel like your life is on hold - A breakup comes with uncertainty. Will the relationship survive? How long will the break last? And while you wait, there may be things you can’t do (for example, date other people!). All of this combined may make you feel like your life is on hold, and this can be quite frustrating. Here, having a timeline helps. It may also help to check in with each other once in a while to see what your thinking and where the break is heading. 
4. It may lead to a breakup - This is a risk that we have to take when we take a relationship break. There’s always a possibility that the break may lead to a permanent breakup. If that happens, maybe it’s a good thing. In the Indian court system, for example, couples filing for a mutual consent divorce have to go through a 6-month trial separation period. This six-month separation often strengthens the resolve that the relationship is over and helps one move on more easily. 

Is Taking a Break in a Relationship Healthy?

Whether a relationship break is healthy or not depends on the context. Contextual factors that can help you answer the question, ‘Is taking a break in a relationship healthy?’, include: 

• Your reasons for taking a break 
• What you do during the break 
• The quality of communication with your partner 
• How well you set and follow the rules during the break 

Mental health and relationship breaks also have a complex relationship. In some cases, a break might be healthy and helpful. In other cases, it may not be so. 

For example, if you tend to be conflict-avoidant, and feel the need for a break when you and your partner are fighting, this may not be useful. On the other hand, if you feel that you’re too emotionally dependent on your partner and a break will help you to learn to be more self-reliant, then this might be healthy for both, you and your relationship. 

A psychotherapist can help you understand with various psychotherapy methods if taking a break from your relationship might be useful for you or not. You can book a consultation with one of our experienced therapists.

When Should You Consider Taking a Break?

Is there a right time to take a relationship break? When is a relationship break useful? Here are some situations when taking a relationship break can work: 

1. When you feel your relationship is taking up too much space in your life and other parts of your life (like work, friendships and health) are taking the hit 
2. If you are going through a period of high stress, and it is hurting your partner 
3. When your mental health concerns are impacting the relationship negatively 
4. If you are becoming too emotionally dependent on your partner 
5. If your relationship is causing stress or anxiety 
6. When you want different things, and need some time to think
7. If you have other short-term commitments that require your attention and energy 

Do Relationship Breaks Really Work?

Rather than ‘Do relationship breaks really work?’, a more helpful question might be, ‘When do relationship breaks work?’ 

Couples who have relationship break success stories have some common themes: 

1. They are clear about why they want a break 
2. They communicate effectively 
3. They set clear rules and when confusion arises, they talk to each other 
4. They are focused on making the relationship work 

On the other hand, a relationship break might not work if: 

1. It’s done out of anger or impulse 
2. The couple is trying to avoid critical issues in the relationship by taking a break 
3. There is disrespect or dishonesty in the relationship 
4. The relationship is damaged beyond repair 

While breaks can sometimes help relationships, they may not be a sustainable solution. A relationship that consistently relies on breaks might be indicative of more significant issues.

My Partner Wants a Break: What Should I Do? How to take a break without ending the relationship?

If your partner has initiated it, dealing with a relationship break might be challenging for you. Here are some things to keep in mind: 

• It’s your decision - For some people, relationship breaks are simply not an option. And that’s okay. Remember that even though it’s your partner who wants a break, you still have some agency in this decision. 
• Be honest - Try to be as honest as possible about how you feel about taking a break. This will help you and your partner have the utmost clarity moving forward. 
• Express your concerns - If you have any concerns or questions about the break, don’t hold them in. Talk to your partner. Remember that good communication is key to healthy relationships. 
• Ask the right questions - Some helpful questions to discuss with your partner when taking a relationship break include: 

1. Will we stay in touch? If yes, how often? 
2. Are we going to be seeing other people? 
3. What will you be working on during this break?
4. What you would like me to work on during this break?
5. How long will the break last? 

• Honour the uncertainty that comes with this decision - It might be tempting to hold on to the expectation that a break will most definitely work in your favour, and will not lead to the dissolution of the relationship. But, the truth is that no one can predict this. Even when a break is taken with the full intention of making the relationship work, it may turn out differently in the end. If the uncertainty of this is too uncomfortable for you, speak to a therapist who can help you with it. 

Conclusion

While our mental health and relationships are interconnected, taking a relationship break is subjective and contextual. The success or failure of a relationship break depends on many factors, and it is important to consider one’s reasons and goals. It’s important to have clarity, set some rules and keep communication open and honest. Working with a therapist to understand how to make use of a relationship break, and to work through relationship issues is also extremely useful. You can book a session with one of our qualified therapists at The Therapy Club. In the end, remember that your relationship is between you and your partner, and as long as there is clarity, respect and consent between the two of you, you do you! 

Citations

Saxena, S. (2022). Taking a break in a relationship: Does it work?. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/taking-a-break-in-a-relationship/ 

Taking a break in a relationship: why, when, and how to do it — Calm Blog. Calm Blog. https://www.calm.com/blog/taking-a-break-in-a-relationship 

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