11 Signs a Therapist Is Not the Right Fit

Do you find yourself struggling to keep up with the demands of your daily life? If unchecked for long periods of time, the stress and overwhelm can start taking a toll on us, negatively impacting our mental health.

While all of us can have some hard days, if the feeling persists, it may be a sign that our mental health needs attention. In such instances, seeking professional support from a therapist can be really helpful. However, we may struggle to determine what kind of therapist will be right for us.

This process is more complicated in a country like India, where a lack of regulations makes it difficult to recognize if your therapist is a good or bad fit for you.

In this article, we discuss how you can understand that you are not getting along with your therapist and it may be time to look for other options. We hope that you will feel confident as a therapy seeker to ask for the support you deserve.

How do you know if your therapist is good or bad?

Therapy is a deeply personal experience. While it is meant to be a safe and nonjudgemental space, often a lot of difficult feelings get provoked as we process the difficulties we are experiencing in life. So how do you know if a therapist is good or bad? It’s complicated.

With a “good” therapist we can talk about our experiences openly and resolve any complications that emerge in the process via open communication. If a person is not ready or open to addressing these complications with the therapist, it can shape their experience with them. Therefore, it can be hard to determine who is a “good” or a “bad” therapist based on one person’s feedback as we are often not privy to the details of their experience in therapy.

Nonetheless, there are some non-negotiables when it comes to finding a therapist who is a good fit for you. The most important is that your therapist has the relevant education and training to practice in India.

While it may seem obvious, unfortunately, there are a lot of pseudopractioners in the country who claim to offer “healing” services, to exploit the vulnerable population for “easy” gains. You can read about the types of mental healthcare providers in India to make better, informed choices as mental health service users in search of a good therapist.

Apart from essential qualifications, you should feel comfortable and safe to share your concerns in the presence of a “good” therapist. The traits of a good therapist are someone who listens to you attentively, works collaboratively with you rather than prescribing general suggestions, and is committed to your well-being.

They also have a clear structure, are open to feedback, and maintain professional accountability by going to their own therapy, supervision, and continuing education. You can read more about the signs of a good therapist here.

Signs a Therapist Isn’t the Best Fit

Sure, the process of therapy can be complicated, but how do you know if to “trust the process” or say goodbye because it is not working out? Here are some signs that your therapist is not a good fit for you.

1.Your therapist is not qualified to practice psychotherapy

To practice as a therapist in India, one must at least have a masters in Psychology from a UGC-recognized institution. A lot of people who aren’t psychologists may claim to offer services to address your concerns, for example, life coaches, energy healers, alternative therapy practitioners, “empathetic listeners”, etc.

While everyone has a right to avail of whatever practices help them with their mental health, it is important to understand that these practices are not psychotherapy or a replacement for it.

2.Your therapist is not trained in the modalities they practice

When you look for a therapist, you can find yourself bombarded with options. A therapist’s profile contains elaborate descriptions of the modalities they practice that frankly can go over the head. While everyone claims to be good at their work, how to know if the therapist is a good fit for you?

Most therapists offer a free consultation call so that both of you can determine if your therapist is a good or bad fit for you. You can ask questions to understand their working approach and how they have learned it. For example, a therapist who uses Internal Family Systems Therapy may have a license in IFS, attended workshops and training, engage in continuing education in IFS therapy, and/or work under a professional supervisor who has knowledge of Internal Family Systems Therapy.

A sign of a good therapist is that they have a working knowledge of the modalities they practice. This can help you establish trust in their credentials and determine if you would like to work with them or not.

3.There is a lack of structure in therapy

A clear structure in therapy helps to manage expectations, bring up concerns, and track the gains made in the process. A consent form with guidelines about the procedure helps to safeguard the rights and interests of both the client and the therapist. Usually, the therapist and the client meet consistently (for e.g., once a week at 7 pm), and there is clarity on the goals of therapy and what progress is being made in the time spent together. Any changes are clearly communicated and discussed to avoid confusion and ruptures.

Perhaps one of the biggest signs of a bad therapist is that you don’t feel comfortable to share with them. They tend to dismiss, demean, and judge you for what you have to say. It is different from the vulnerability that naturally accompanies sharing difficult parts of a life.

A sign of a good therapist is that while you may feel uncomfortable sharing certain things with them, you trust that they are here for you, and will guide you through the process.

5.Your therapist is not open to feedback

If you are working with a therapist for a while, some issues are likely to emerge. To know if a therapist is a good fit for you, you can notice their response when you share some feedback.

Do they pay attention? Are they taking accountability for their part in the problem? Are there suggestions relevant to your problems? If the answer is yes, these are the traits of a good therapist. If they seem critical, defensive, or angry at you, it may be a sign your therapist is not a good fit for you.

6.Your therapist acts unprofessionally

Some examples of unprofessional behavior from a therapist include not showing up for appointments at time, frequent reschedules without an explanation, a lack of etiquette, and failure to address your needs and concerns in therapy.

7.Your Therapist Engages in Unethical Behaviors

A gold standard ethic of a therapeutic relationship is maintaining a non–dual relationship with clients. That means that once you start seeing your therapist, they cannot be involved in any other relationship with you, for example, be a friend or a business partner.

If your therapist encourages, coerces, or initiates any type of interaction that does not come under therapy, it is a big red flag that warrants a termination. Other examples of unethical behaviors include breaking confidentiality, recording identifying information without consent, and seeing clients for concerns that they are not adequately trained for (for example, seeing a couple without training in couples therapy).

8.Everything becomes about you

A sign of a good therapist is that they recognize that the individuals exist in a society – while all of us should take greater responsibility for how we show up in our lives, our mental health is profoundly shaped by the systems we are part of. While focusing on ourselves is an empowering space to be in, when everything in therapy starts becoming about what you can do to make your life better without accounting for sociocultural factors, it brings up feelings of frustration, helplessness, and injustice.

It also fails to build our skills in relationships – how to communicate our concerns, hold multiple realities, and take accountability when we or others end up hurting or harming each other.

9.Your Identity Is Invalidated, Ignored, or Overemphasized

We know that mental health is political. Our social identities like gender, caste, class, etc. play an important role in how we make sense of our experiences. Sometimes, a therapist may miss, ignore, or invalidate the social markers of our identity, creating a bad therapy experience.

For example, a therapist who doesn’t account for the impact of gender roles on our psyches may not understand how Rita is burdened by the unfair pressures of managing work and home and unassumingly offers stress management techniques.

At the same time, our identity is so much bigger than the labels we occupy. Focusing too much on one aspect of an identity may miss out on the complexity of a person. For example, Aniket’s therapist tries to relate every experience with his queerness. It limits him as an individual who also wishes to be seen as a young person who comes from a suburban household and is new to the challenges of adulthood.

10.Their inputs are not helpful or relevant

Another sign your therapist is not a good fit is that you feel that their inputs are not helpful or relevant to you; either they fail to understand the nuances of your experience or are not able to address them satisfactorily. For example, they keep asking you to reframe your thoughts without accounting for the other person(s) behavior in a relationship.

11.Your Therapist Is Too Much Of A Friend

While a good rapport is essential in a therapeutic relationship, it is essential that you are always centered in these interactions. What makes the conversations in therapy different from talking to a friend is that it is meant to build your capacity for self-reflection and dealing with life challenges. If it feels like you are just catching up with your therapist without getting much out of a conversation for you, you’re spending your time without a larger goal, or the therapist talks too much about them without purpose, it may be a sign your therapist is not a good fit.

When It’s Time to End a Relationship With a Therapist

Once you start seeing a therapist, like any other relationship, conflicts will start emerging as your relationship deepens with them. If you start seeing any signs that a therapist is not a good fit for you, bring it to their attention immediately. Hopefully, both of you will be able to communicate and find a path forward. However, even after multiple conversations you are not able to come on the same page and it is affecting the quality of your therapy experience, it may be a sign your therapist is not a good fit and it is time to say goodbye.

It does not necessarily mean these are signs of a bad therapist but that they are not a good fit for you. However, any breach in ethical and professional standards of therapy must be taken seriously, and it may be a definitive cue to end a relationship with a therapist.

How to Find a New Therapist

A bad experience in therapy can really shake us up. It takes a lot of strength and vulnerability to once again start the process of determining if a therapist is a good or bad fit for you. Here are some ways you can find a new therapist:

Look for a referral from people you trust
Find mental health organizations and directories that offer therapy services.

You can check out Mave Health’s Therapy Club - the largest mental health platform in India where hundreds of therapists offer mental health support for various concerns.

Go to a hospital near you which offers psychiatric services

While it may take some attempts to find a therapist who is a good fit for you, the journey is worth it. A good therapist offers invaluable support to deal with our mental health challenges and create a life that is authentic and meaningful to us.

Conclusion

It can be hard to discern if a therapist is not the right fit for you. The major signs of a bad therapist are a lack of relevant training and engagement in unprofessional and unethical behaviors. You can reliably know if your therapist is a good or bad fit for you by how they take your feedback. A good therapist hears your concerns and addresses them adequately whereas a bad one may invalidate, criticize, or ignore you. It is okay to change therapists if your mental health needs are not being met adequately.