What Not to Say to Your Therapist: A Comprehensive Guide

Introduction:

Therapy refers to various treatments that help people identify and change their troubling thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. It is a space where you can comfortably share your feelings, including the experiences you might not have told anybody else. What you share with your therapist is up to you, but make sure that you have an honest conversation about the experiences that you are willing to share.

You must also understand that for you to heal, you might have to open up about things that you are hesitant to express. Communicating your feelings, emotions and thoughts effectively can help the therapist to paint a better picture and treat you accordingly.

It is good to communicate openly however, there are some things not to tell your therapist. Certain topics are off-limits and it is always better for the client to refrain from talking about it.

But which topics to avoid and what you should never tell your therapist?

This article provides you with a list of things that you must not say to your therapist.

Common Things Not to Tell Your Therapist:

1. Skipping relevant details:

Omitting certain details about your problem or telling half-truths can be misleading for the therapist. You might not be lying but not painting a complete picture for the therapist might lead them to address the situation differently. It might also change the way the therapist helps you process the emotions related to it.

2. Feeling sorry for expressing strong emotions:

Clients often tend to apologize for feeling emotions that are not ideally appreciated such as jealousy or hatred. But you must understand that therapists encourage expressing all the emotions you feel. You must be perfectly candid about your emotions, may it be feelings of jealousy or wanting to do something “wrong”. Until and unless you are not insulting your therapist or being rude, you don’t have to feel sorry for feeling strong emotions.

3. Relying on the therapist for your well-being:

Therapists guide and empower you to understand, acknowledge, and change the way you approach a situation. They will help you develop problem-solving skills but they cannot help you to solve the problems first hand. It is your responsibility to learn these skills and manage your thoughts, emotions, and situations. Relying on your therapist for solutions might increase dependence and you might never get fully ready to make your own decisions.

4. Illegal Activities:

If you have been indulging in or have indulged in illegal activities in the past, it is important to be honest with your therapist about it, especially if indulging in these activities is impacting your mental health.

Ideally, your therapist is bound by the “therapist-patient” confidentiality. They cannot share any private information that is discussed in the therapy without your permission. Rest assured, you can share if you feel comfortable disclosing information to the therapist.

Illegal activities like substance abuse, harming somebody, and some kind of fraud in the past are some examples that we encourage you to share without hesitation. This can help the therapist decide on a clear treatment plan.

However, there is a condition. Your therapist is bound to abide by the ethical duty to report information about any illegal activities shared in therapy if the patient is at risk or there is potential harm to self or to others.

5. Personal Attacks or Insults:

During therapy, patients might get defensive, emotional, and hurt by the words or insights shared by the therapist. This may incite the patient, in turn, to become defensive or attack the therapist. It might be an impulsive reaction but can damage the therapeutic relationship between the patient and the therapist.

Though therapists are trained to deal with the defensive attacks in therapy, they too are humans and do feel bad about the insults hauled at them.

Here are some examples of the things not to say to a therapist:

“I know this is just a joke to you”
“People like you are wired not to feel anything”
“No wonder patients in your practice do not last long”
“You do not tell me what to do”

If you feel that you might say things that might hurt the therapist, you can attempt to disengage from the conversation or try to stay calm and reflect upon the things said by the therapist.

6. Minimizing Your Problems:

Minimization in simple terms means underestimating the significance of an emotion, situation or experience. People might brush off problems because they think that these feelings are not relevant enough or that somebody is out to get them. They also refuse to see the positive in themselves and also in others.

Minimizing problems in therapy might lead the person to paint an unclear picture of what problem they are facing. The person might fail to address their problems, neglect their emotional needs, and undervalue themselves. Keep in mind, that the therapist can only help you as much as you allow them. So, honesty in therapy is extremely important.

Why Some Topics Are Off-Limits:

Importance of Trust in Therapy:

Therapy is a sacred space where the client can talk about their problems freely without any fear of judgment. With every session that passes, the “client-therapist relationship” strengthens and the client starts to trust the therapist more and more.

A strong therapeutic alliance encourages the client to actively participate in the healing process but certain disclosures can impact this trust.

Some personal disclosures that are irrelevant to the therapy, having a dual relationship with the therapist, and matters requiring reporting might affect the therapist’s trust.

Although therapy is a safe space, both client and therapist need to tread carefully while addressing the client’s issues.

Therapist’s Role and Limitations:

A therapist has to abide by the ethical boundaries set by the World Psychiatric Association (WPA) and the Indian Psychiatric Society (IPS).

Here are the therapist’s limitations when it comes to cases concerning reporting to the authorities.

A therapist can or has to release confidential information without the patient's consent (for example, reporting abuse, protecting clients from harm to themselves and their potentially threatened victims, and defending oneself from inappropriate or threatening client behaviour).
The information collected in the professional relationship must be submitted as evidence in a legal proceeding in case a demand is made by the court.
The therapist can breach confidentiality if the client threatens the therapist for his life or files a case against the therapist.

Irrespective of the action taken by the therapist, it is important to understand that the therapist is on the client’s side and wants them to progress as well.

How to Communicate Effectively with Your Therapist:

1. Being Honest and Open:

It is normal to feel embarrassed while sharing your feelings with the therapist. It is understandable since you might have just met with your therapist. There is a fear of judgement and you may even resist talking about emotions that have troubled you for a long time. But you must understand that for the treatment to progress, you must have honest communication in therapy.

Open communication allows the therapist to develop trust and rapport. It also opens an avenue for discussing emotions that are difficult to express. It might take time to become comfortable, but openness with the therapist acts as a big aid to healing from traumas or problems.

2. Setting Boundaries:

It is necessary to maintain personal boundaries with the therapist. While the two of you might develop a close working relationship during therapy, you must understand that expecting your therapist to be your friend or anything more outside the therapy-patient relationship creates difficulty in your healing journey.

Before you start the therapy, you must set and communicate clear boundaries to avoid any problems during the therapy. For mental health professionals, setting boundaries in therapy is important to follow the ethical and legal obligations for their own protection. They must refrain from associating with the patients in any kind of sexual, social, familial, or business relationship.

3. Asking for Clarification:

Processing emotions can be difficult. Many times, the patient might not fully understand the source of the problems or the way things are turning out in life. In such instances, having proactive therapy sessions is necessary. The patient must ask the therapist questions and clarify any doubts that they have.

For a therapist to fully analyze the situation, they must ask additional questions to the patients when their answers are too vague or require further elaboration. When seeking clarification in therapy, make sure to use well-constructed questions that ensure a precise answer in return.

Addressing Sensitive Topics

1. Suicidal Ideation:

Having thoughts about harming yourself can be scary. If you are considering talking about suicide in therapy, remember that there is no shame in revealing your struggle. Your therapist will not judge you for your thoughts and emotions. Instead, they will encourage you to have a safe disclosure of suicidal ideation.

Here are some tips to prepare yourself:

Be honest
Reveal only as much as you are comfortable with
Write down your thoughts if they are difficult to speak
Take it slow but with 100% sincerity

Remember that when you are sharing your emotions with your therapist, you are strengthening the bond between the two of you. This bond is called the therapeutic alliance. Communication becomes easier and your therapist will start to understand you better.

2. Current Illegal Activities:

If you were or are engaging in any illegal activities like drug abuse, it is natural to feel concerned if they would report you to any authorities. Unless and until you commit to getting better and not harming others in the pursuit, your therapist is bound to maintain confidentiality. Disclosure of illegal behaviour might come with some risk but you must reveal it to your therapist if it concerns your health.

You can start by discussing all the illegal activities you have performed in the past. The therapist might even ask you to elaborate on how you did it. Make sure to be completely honest about it. If the current illegal activities in therapy are addressed correctly, the therapist will find the perfect therapy for you to form new habits that can put a full stop to these tendencies.

Making the Most of Your Therapy Sessions

1. Setting Goals:

In the first session itself, your therapist might ask you about what you expect from the therapy.

You might say that you want to “feel happy again” or “not feel stuck” anymore. But know that therapy is not just a conversation about feelings between the therapist and the patient. It also comprises committing, acting, and striving to get better.

Setting therapy goals eases the process of navigating the complexities and helps the therapist devise a treatment plan that works best for you.

If you are unclear about your goals, you can ask yourself these questions:

When do you feel anxious and uncertain?
What are things in life that you are tired of?
What brought you to therapy?
What are the things that you truly enjoy doing? Do you still do it?

These might give the therapist a fair idea of what you expect out of therapy. Once you set the goals, achieving them and tracking therapy progress becomes simpler.

2. Being Prepared:

It is natural to feel nervous about your upcoming therapy sessions, especially when you know that it might become a bit overwhelming. You have to prepare yourself mentally for the therapy so that the session can be conducted smoothly.

Here’s a list of things you can do to prepare for therapy:

Reserve time for yourself before every session
Write down the points to be covered
Reflect on your previous session
Make sure you have completed all the exercises that your therapist gave you
Review your life history & how it may be impacting you
Ask questions
Understand that you may get emotional or cry
Keep an open mind
Manage your expectations

Using these tips can help you prepare mentally and have effective therapy sessions.

3. Regular Reflection:

Reflecting on therapy is crucial to understanding what is working and what isn’t working for you in therapy. You might like the approach that your therapist is opting or you might feel that a particular exercise seems to burden you.

Regular reflection helps to determine the therapy's effectiveness and helps the therapist to make the therapy a more comfortable experience for you.

How to express yourself if you are offended by a therapist?

It is natural to come to therapy with set expectations. Sometimes the therapist might nudge you to talk about certain sensitive things that you might not be comfortable talking about.

If you feel comfortable talking about the offense, you can talk about the issue to your therapist upfront. Being honest about your concerns will help you and the therapist be on the same page.

For example, if you feel hurt by something that your therapist said in the last session, you can express your feelings by saying:

“I felt angry in the last session when you were pushing me to talk about my late mother. I am not yet comfortable talking about my feelings and would appreciate it if you do not push me just yet”.

Your therapist will understand it and change the course of therapy as needed.

Conclusion:

Therapy is a crucial tool for overcoming mental health challenges. Effective communication in therapy is the cornerstone of success and honesty helps to foster a healthy relationship with your therapist. By asking questions, being open, and setting boundaries, it is possible to develop a strong therapeutic alliance between the client and therapist.

If you are struggling with your mental health, seeking professional help might be a great option for you. Mental health professionals are trained to guide you and provide you with the support you need.

In India, you can find a 24x7 mental health assistance at:

You can also join therapy clubs where you can choose a therapist of your choice. You can browse through the therapist’s profiles and select the one that’s best for you. Mave Health’s therapy club provides the best counselling services available online and helps you with recovery.

Seek professional help and take a step towards improving your mental health and overall well-being today.

References:

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